Bitterly Funny

While perusing the feminist blogosphere, I ran across these rules for rape prevention. I almost didn't post them for fear they could be a trigger for my clients who are rape-survivors, but the rules are so tiredly true, and yet so often overlooked, I couldn't resist:

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

Building Close Relationships

It is discouraging that the people we are closest to--spouse, family members, partners--are often those with whom we have the most difficulty. One reason is that these relationships matter so much. Another is that these people are with us much of the time, through good times and bad, seeing us at our worst as well as at our best. Here is information on emotional intelligence which gives ideas for developing aspects in ourselves to improve these vital relationships.

Here and here find further info on a slightly lighter note. (Remember to take internet advice with a grain of salt).

Some things to consider if you are thinking of marriage counseling. Here is a frequently updated blog about relationships and counseling.

Don't give up yet! Your relationship is likely worth working on.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Part of the human condition is dealing with trauma. We are usually resilient enough to cope with the after-effects and move on. Some people have had to deal with exceptional trauma in their lives, however--whether it is childhood abuse, sexual or physical assault, combat situations, witnessing death or injuries, or other terrifying single or prolonged events--and they may find themselves experiencing symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress.

Here is the list of diagnostic criteria for this disorder.

Here is a good summary of the various types of treatment.

Here is a forum to talk with others with the diagnosis, get information, support, and advice from people dealing with similar issues.

As always, use your good judgment and don't take everything you find online to be the best information for you. But there are many resources out there, and the support you find may be worth sifting through others' hypotheses and testimonials. If you are not yet meeting with a therapist, or you are otherwise unhappy with your treatment situation, don't hesitate to pursue better care. Therapy is highly individualized and it may take a while to connect with the best therapist for your particular personality and situation.