More on Religion and Depression

The group blog Segullah is continuing its series on depression, with Part IV: Family Ties and Part V: Parenting Children with Depression. I found the discussions sensitive, knowledgeable, and hopeful. The participants talk about other disorders as well, such as Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The comments after the discussions are detailed and helpful.

When Relationships Go Wrong*

Dealing with Depression

I have recently noticed some very good roundtable discussions about depression on some of the Mormon blogs. The first two were moderated by Kathryn Lynard Soper, on blogs Segullah: Part I; Part II; and Part III, and By Common Consent: Overview; Part I; Part II; Part III; and Part IV. Here's a post and comments about Post Partum Depression on Feminist Mormon Housewives.

I'm glad to see people talking openly about cultural contributors to depression and sharing ways they deal with depression successfully.

One More Rule

This from my colleague Tammy Heaton, LMFT, an addition to the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention(TM), as a guide for couples working through conflict:

"When _________________ happens,
I feel_________________________,
I think (perceive) ________________,
I want ________________________."

The Rules...*

...For Constructive Conflict

Goal of Conflict: heal emotional wounds and learn to process fights and regrettable incidents.

1. Take turns as Speaker and Listener. There are two subjective realities, and both are right.

2. Eliminate the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
Criticism: of personality, identity (antidote - a gentle start-up)
Defensiveness: manifests as counterattack or playing the innocent victim (antidote - accept responsibility)
Contempt: speaking from a superior place (antidote - build a culture of appreciation and respect)
Stonewalling: shutting down because of physiological overload (antidote - learn self-soothing and take breaks)

3. Start as neutrally as possible. Both must feel safe and open. Both must down-regulate physiologically, and interrupt the discussion if heart-rate goes up, etc. Empathy, rational thought, and ability to communicate vanish in the fight-or-flight mode.

4. "What's this?" attitude vs. "What the hell is this?" attitude.

5. Speaker's job - no blaming, use "I" statements, state feelings and positive needs. State position without blame, with depth and background.

6. Listener's job - take notes, summarize and validate Speaker's position. Ask questions about the history and deeper meaning in the partner's position. Validate emotions even if disagree with position.

7. Postpone persuasion and problem-solving until both people can state his/her partner's position to the partner's satisfaction.


Six Skills to Develop and Use During Conflict:
1. Soften startup
2. Accept influence
3. Make effective relationship repairs during conflict, and accept repair attempts from partner.
4. De-escalate conflict (take breaks)
5. Compromise
6. Physiological soothing.


*based on a John Gottman workshop I recently attended

Temple Grandin

I've been interested in Temple Grandin since first reading about her in Oliver Sacks' 1995 book "An Anthropologist on Mars." Watching this clip of her speaking moved me so much that I cried for 20 minutes afterward (and I don't usually cry). I've worked with autistic and Asperger's clients over the years. To make an over-generalization, they're like Jesus' friend Nathaniel, in whom there is no guile.

There's a new HBO movie starring Claire Danes about her early life, which I haven't seen yet, but which looks good.